To Gym or Not to Gym

M and I met at the gym.  He was working there and I was working out with my friend.  I drove almost 25 minutes every night after work to go the gym.  The biggest motivation there though was seeing M.  Because of this, I was in pretty good shape.  Leading up to our wedding, I was in great shape.  The first year of our marriage, I was in the best shape of my life.  This was mostly due to the fact that M worked nights so he slept during the day and I didn't really have anything else to do.  So I hit it hard.

Like for real.  Look at that gun right there.  That was the last dance at our wedding.  I can without question state that my arms no longer look like that.

So anyways, M got a new job and I got done with working out so much.  I still did here and there and did videos at home.  Now, I'm a lazy dump.

In the effort of full disclosure, I am writing this sitting on my couch wearing sweat pants, a baggy T-shirt, and bare feet that are in desperate need of a new pedicure.  But my mind knows that being fit is healthy.  Here is my struggle.

I work full time, I have a toddler, a husband, a dog, and a home.  I lack the motivation, energy, and desire to work out.  I'm tired, people.  Like walking dead, fall down comatose tired most nights when I get home from work.  I take the dog out, go get J at day care, get him fed while simultaneously starting our dinner, get J bathed, and ready for bed.  Once he's down, I finish up dinner and M and I eat.  This leaves little time.  My desire is slowly returning because I know that one of the best things for J is a healthy Mama.  And healthy means exercise.

But going to the gym and working out requires time away from my home and family.  As I already work full time and am away from M and J a lot, I don't want to be away from them more.  The mom guilt is overwhelming.  Do I take that additional time away to do something good for me?

I could work out while J is napping on the weekends so I am not away from him while he is up and active.  I could also take that 7:30pm yoga class on a Monday night which is after he is in bed.  Then I think dude, it's a 7:30 - 8:30 yoga class which is basically my bedtime and I would rather collapse into my bed with my blankets and pillow and call them "my precious."

I have another struggle that is hard to admit and one others would probably poo-poo.  I'm going to be honest and it is not an attempt at self indulgence.  I am not overweight.  I never have been.  All the baby weight is gone and I am wearing all the same clothes I did pre-pregnancy.  As such, this doesn't give me a lot of motivation to go the gym.  However, I am very out of shape.  I can no longer run a mile and I can basically knock over a water buffalo with the air surge that occurs when I wave my arm.  I also feel uncomfortable at the gym.  I have gotten dirty looks from others where I believe they are thinking things like "seriously, what are you doing here, boney?"  This makes me uncomfortable in classes too.  I think people are giving me the stink eye.  This is probably my own insecurity - I know working out is healthy for everyone.

It's just hard to get motivated and drudge up the energy to actually do it.  Like right now, J is napping so I could actually be at the gym.  Except M is there and while I love my Maddux-friend, he's no Good Dog, Carl.

I need to figure out a balance and just do it.  I'm interested to hear what others do to fit this into their already full schedule.  Any helpful hints are great and my jiggly bum bum will appreciate it!  And so will M.  He is so into working out and health and he wants me to do it for that reason.  Some times though I want to punch him in the throat when he mentions it and be like oh really?  Am I THAT out of shape?  Seems to me you still have no problem getting attracted to me.  heh heh.

I'm sorry.